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Jan 27, 2012

I'm sorry, I love you...

Dear Minzy,

First of all I want to say sorry because there were times I neglected you - no, many times. I'm sorry you suffered, if you did. I'm sorry I did not show you much love when you were still alive, but believe me I do love you. You were my first pet, my first dog, the one who took away my dog phobia... I will never forget you. Second, I want to say I love you. I really really do. Wherever you are, please keep that in mind. I love you.

I'm hurting now that you're gone. I have many plans for us, but now I will have to carry on alone. I have regrets of my mishaps in our relationship. I wish I had more time to fill up those gap. I promise that I will do better on my next pet, next friend...I learned a lot from you.




I love you. Rest in peace...


Love lots,
Nique

Jan 25, 2012

7-day food & exercise challenge

I am going to challenge myself for 7days!!

It is to survive and go through a certain discipline process...
This disciple involves food and activities!

From January 26, 2012 to February 2, 2012....
Diet plan:

BREAKFAST:
Normal Breakfast which includes:
        Any viand + Rice 1-2 cups


MORNING SNACKS
Limited to fruits only!
         Banana
         Mango
         Grapes
         Papaya
         Pineapple

LUNCH:
No rice! No rice! No rice!
No softdrinks!!!
With appetizer Melon 1 slice
Meal includes only:
           Vegetable and
           Fish or
           Chicken
           Tofu
           Soup (no noodles)

AFTERNOON SNACKS:
Should be limited to:
           Corn
           Nuts
           Banana
           Mango
Drinks limited to:
           Fresh fruit juices or shake

DINNER:
No rice! No rice! No rice!
No softdrinks!
Limited to:
          Oatmeal with milk
          Vegetables or
          Tuna/fish
          


FOR MY BINGE EATING or JUST TO SATISFY MY "fake" HUNGER:
Limited to:
           Biscuits
           Nuts
           Banana
           Mango
           Other fruits




______________________________________________________________


Activities Include:

Jogging (intermittent with walking) for 30-45 minutes for 5 days
 
I have to coordinate my jogging schedule with my duty schedule

  Jan 26 Thur  
  Jan 27 Fri    - JOG     -pm
  Jan 28 Sat    -xx         -pm
  Jan 29 Sun   -JOG      -off
  Jan 30 Mon -JOG      -off
  Jan 31 Tues  -xx          -noc
  Feb 1 Wed  -JOG       -off
  Feb 2 Thur   -JOG       -pm

this schedule is still tentative...since i dont know my work schedule for next week yet...

Jan 23, 2012

Diet Dilemma

I will attend my aunt's wedding on June, so I have to lose weight... I can say I'm not working much on it...I'm slacking! I'm not exercising or even dieting. Wrong, my diet is overeating diet. LOL! What can I do? I'm always hungry, always craving... When I go out with boyfriend or friends, I eat - and not just eat small, but eat big! LOL!

What am I gonna do? I'm running out of time....

Jan 18, 2012

Young Nurses

We had our monthly NSO (Nursing Service Office) meeting last night, I did not finish the whole meeting since I had to go home early because my lola was all alone with my cousin at home. So anyway, our chief nurse (who is also my far-relative) discussed about changes. She said that the new nurses, or the young nurses are idealistic and very ambitious. I had a time to reflect on what she said and I ended up agreeing with what she said. I think I, as a nurse, is quite ideal.

Speaking of ideal, I sent her a message on facebook and told her that employees in the hospital (specifically nurses) are having hard time about the hospital's demand from us to do the ideal service, because the resources the hospital gives us is not ideal. I told her some of my ideas, or those things that needs to be changed or improved in our CCU (I am a CCU nurse). She told me to send my concern to my supervisor so they can discuss about it. Our supervisor gave our head nurse a task to make an action plan for our problems in the CCU. Good thing it happened when I was on duty together with our head nurse. I told her my concerns and she accepted it, and we both made an action plan. I just hope our concerns will be considered.

So back to being ideal, I have this sort of "want" for our hospital to improve. I really really want our hospital to improve, to step up to a higher level. I am very much willing to participate on that. I started on our unit through beautification (I am kikay and that's the least I could contribute: my talent...LOL!). The days when we had no patient in the CCU, I spent my 8-hours duty cleaning, organizing and beautifying the station and everything else. I demanded the housekeeping to change our curtain, etc. I just hope my workmates will be able to maintain the order in our unit.

With regards to the ambitious thingie, yeah I agree with that because I, myself, is a self-proclaimed ambitious nurse. I don't settle for less. I want to keep elevating my position because it keeps me inspired. Whenever I aim for something, I really work hard for that. But the bad thing is when I have what I want, I tend to loose my game because I don't have anymore the inspiration that I used to have. By the way, I applied for a masteral course in the University of the Philippines. I applied for Master of Science in Nursing. I am quite excited since I will be starting on a new phase of my being a nurse. The results of the application is not yet out, but I think I will pass. I HOPE!! (Not passing will be a big embarrassment since I already announce it here on my blog. LOL!)

Aside from that, our chief nurse also said that young nurses are open to change compared to older ones. That's true! We, the young ones, are more open and flexible. When we see something better, we are not afraid to step out from our comfort zone and try on something different...anyway it's for the better! So last night (when I already went home), our chief nurse announce that we will try on a different type of charting for our nurse's notes documentation. We used to use the narrative charting, and now we will be using the FDAR method. I searched about it on google, and I think it's a good change. I am expecting it to be hard at first, since we are not used to it. Tomorrow, I will try on that FDAR charting method. I hope I can produce a good outcome.


Apart from young nurses being ambitious and idealistic, I 

Jan 12, 2012

Getting Married. LOL!!!

I'm starting to feel "old" since I have numerous friends from college and high school who are married or are getting married, or starting their own families. I still feel  young (like a high school) yet my friends (or people my age) are starting to have their own. Am I being left behind? LOL!

I feel like I want to get married soon too!

But nooooooo!! I have plans that are not yet fulfilled, and syempre one of those is to go abroad and work. 

Am I feeling the pressure or inggetera lang talaga ako? Hahahhaa!

Anyway, seeing my friends get married makes me want to think of my own future wedding. Ano nga ba?

I want a simple but elegant civil wedding here in the Philippines. Me and my hubsy will invite all our close friends, colleagues at work, relatives, important people, etc. I want the civil wedding and the reception in a hotel or convention area (basta indoors and full aircondition). The place will be decorated with shiny and shimmery stuffs. Food will be very very yummy, with all the sweets that I love (syempre chocolate stuffs). There will be a bosa band that will perform while people are eating. Our pictures will be displayed all around through a slideshow via projector.

And then once me and hubsy will have a baby (when he/she's already a toddler), we will have our church wedding in a small but beautiful chapel in Sicily or Spain, or any of those nostalgic places in Europe. I will wear a beautiful white wedding gown, hubsy will wear a white suit, and our baby girl/boy will wear a cute white attire. Our baby will be our flower girl or ring bearer. Invited are our parents and his siblings (since I don't have). We will have a simple but elegant reception (just us). We will ask everyone to make a toast for us. After the wedding and reception, they can go back to the Philippines with our baby, and leave us in Europe for our second honeymoon...

LOL!!! I'm dreaming now! hahahaha!!



But seriously, I'm not yet ready for that. I still have some plans for myself, and I want to accomplish those before I fully devote myself to my future husband - so that I will not have regrets in the future. Regrets are one of the reasons why some marriage fails.



BTW, kaloka mga pinagsasabi ko dito! hahaha!


Jan 9, 2012

Semi-independent and my studio unit design

I talked to my mom about my wanting to move to an apartment. She have issued about security and my grandmom and aunts' possible suspecting that my moving to an apartment is so that I can spend time with my boyfriend. It honestly did not even occur in my mind. So anyway, she said that it's a move that she cannot agree with.

On the other side, she made a decision of having to put a studio unit outside our house but within the premises of our lot. I have issues with my aunt regarding division of chores and having her use me as a shock absorber of her frustrations. Me and my mom thinks it's not healthy for me, specially since I am still starting in life, and really, at this point, all I need is positivity...and being around her creates pessimism.

So the studio unit is already a decision, but it still depends if my grandmom agrees with it. I hope she will because I really don't want to spend the rest of my 2012 being in this house. It's not as worst as you think it is; I just need to stay away. Besides, I won't have to cause hassle to them whenever I arrive or go out the house late night after or before my duty. But my mom gave me conditions - about the studio unit. Of course I have to pay for my own electric and water bills, and also for my food. But since I am near our house, I still have to sleep on my grandmom's house if I have to. I will still be attached to them but at the same time live independently. That's what I call semi-dependent. Weird, ei? But that's the win-win thing I could get right now. It will not be just for me, it will also be for my aunt and grandmom - we all have our lessons to learn.

So anyway, I'm kinda excited about the building of the studio unit. I already searched for designs which will utilize some of the existing materials we have. I'm planning of a kitchen counter for dining, studying, etc... I told my mom I want the studio unit as black and white only...I want the doors with grills and the windows too. The windows should have screen to prevent mosquitos or insects from going inside my room.

I will be using a platform and a mattress for my bed. Cabinets will play a very important role since I want minimum things to be barely displayed - I want everything to be kept in the cabinets or closets so have that clutter-free effect.

Here are some pictures that inspired my idea...





So this is my drawing


Jan 7, 2012

Immaturity of being Dependent

Last night, I had a chat with my friend in college who is currently working as a nurse in California USA. He used to be my groupmate during our RLE days. It was all about kumustahan and I found out that he and his brother is living independently from their parents. Although they share in the expenses of their apartment, it's just the two of them and they are financially independent from their parents. I started asking him about being independent and he told me that the budgeting wasn't that hard; maybe because his salary is more than the financial demand of his lifestyle.

So the issue of independence came up again, and knowing that my classmate in college is now independent and I am still dependent made me kinda insecure. I know masarap ang buhay ng dependent since you're not that concern about stuffs like rent, food, budget, electrict, etc. But I'm already 23, turning 24 this year, and it's kinda shameful that I'm still not earning enough - enough to spend for my self. It's because the salary of a nurse in the Philippines is so small that I could not afford to live on my own.

It's not freedom I'm after, it's the experience of living on my own and developing a greater sense of responsibility. Errrr! I'm just frustrated now. The more I think of it, the more I'm convinced that I am not yet mature. I think I need to find other means of producing money so I can have the financial strength to stand on my own!

Jan 6, 2012

New Years Resolution 2012

I haven't really made a new year's resolution.... So I'm thinking of making one now. Actually, I have one in mind...and that is to lose weight. I know that my weight had been like the graph you see on the global exchange rate! LOL!!! I did lose weight but I never maintained it. I guess because I always think that losing weight is a "temporary" things....why? because for me, dieting is a sacrifice = suffering!

I learned that losing weight is a matter of perspective and I didn't have the right perspective. This time, I want to lose weight and I want to maintain it. I read from the internet about the best diets for weight loss and the number one featured was the TLC diet which is about changing lifestyle. Its number one priority is to take care of one's cardiovascular system - then weight loss will follow.

This year I will lose weight and start to take care of my body - which includes exercising and eating right food - at right amount!

So pano ba? OMG eto na!

1. Sleep 6-8 hrs as much as possible
2. exercise ( i still need to find the perfect exercise for me but i am considering dancing since it's fun, and also be active on playing badminton kahit paonti-onti)
3. eat right ( i love food, maybe i just need to control the amount of my intake)
4. drink lemon 30cc per day (until supplies last kasi mahal bumili)
5. wag magbabad sa araw (i need to gain my complexion)


So basically, I just want to return to my old shape...not necessarily pumayat na sexy'ng-sexy because i;m not actually aspiring on becoming a model or artista or entering a beauty pageant. I just want to look good, maging magaan ang pakiramdam ko sa sarili ko, and just be happy.

But beyond the physical aspect, what matters is the inside. I have plenty to develop on my inner self, and I am trying to change one by one. Unang una is yung pagiging reklamador ko and masyadong expressive sa inis ko. I need to control my mouth and I started yesterday. LOL

So help me, God, I need guidance on this.

Ciao!


Jan 4, 2012

The more you practice, the more it will furnish, and that's what I want to achieve - so that God may frequently evaluate if I am ready to go

Last year, I tried to apply for a job abroad and I was denied ("denied" as I call it but I wasn't really denied, it was some sort of other thing that I'm more comfortable of calling it as "denied". I felt so bad that I had nightmares, I had "tulala" sessions (tulala means staring blankly), I didn't feel like going to work, and I even resorted to alcohol (pero once lang naman). 

I really really felt bad that I ranted on my mom through e-mail (buti nalang sa e-mail lang or else she could have slapped me in the face...LOL!) and even said words that maybe made her feel bad (I'm not sure because she did not say anything about it, but I fel guilty after I reviewed my email to her). On her reply, she told me that instead of focusing on my failure, I should divert my attention to doing thing which will benefit me in the future whether I may go abroad or not. I shot me in the head - the words "may go abroad or NOT".

 I'm a nurse and there is no good (financially) for me here in the Philippines. All my dreams will vanish if I live the rest of my life here in the Philippines (given that I'm really destined to it). I have no brothers or sisters who can help me if I'm on a financial crisis...it's only me, alone. And if I live the life of a nurse working in the Philippines, then I am destined for doom! It almost made me cry. I could not accept the idea that I will be stranded in an average life as a nurse in the Philippines.

I then decided to go out with a friend to have a drink. We drank silently as I was, at first, not comfortable to share my problem. Finally when the alcohol sank, I started telling her all my frustrations regarding my application and the possibility of not being able to go abroad. She told me a lot of things (I knew she was trying to comfort me but nothing seems to take effect), but what struck me the most was when she said that maybe I am not yet ready to go abroad, that if I could not handle that kind of problem then what more those heavier problems that may arise when I am already abroad. Maybe I still need to grow.

I've been thinking about it for a few months now. Whenever I encounter responsibilities, I initially grab it and do my best to work on it. It's because I want to practice being responsible. Whenever my job demands more than 8 hours of my day, I try my best to give in to the demand (as a way of being responsible and cooperative to my team mates at work).The more you practice, the more it will furnish, and that's what I want to achieve - so that God may frequently evaluate if I am ready to go. 

Now, I am thinking of being independent (well maybe partially independent) - to live separate from my family. I already thought about this last year, but it was out of anger due to a dispute between me and my aunt. This time, I'm thinking for the reason of practising independence. I want to try. If I could not do it, then I can just come back in our house. Maybe through it, it will not just be me who will learn, but maybe also other people who are part of my life.

I'm not fully sure about this idea yet. It's still an idea, not yet a decision. I still need to think about it deeply. For now, I will still have to look for a good place to stay and analyze if my salary can handle that kind of lifestyle. Aside from that, I still need the permission of my mom.

Jan 2, 2012

Anxiety

Jan 3, '10 2:12 PM
for Dominique's friends
The thought of next week scares the hell out of me! Highest dose? Worst effect? What could be worst than last last week? Says it'll need longer time to recover. Will have to stay on that room for, what? Plus one more week? Then transported back to my home, like the CIA transports a criminal, and be locked at my room with the TV & internet. Then I'd be losing stuffs in my head, literally & figuratively. And things will become uglier. Then I'll wish I never had it, or wish I just die. But those wishes are useless because I have it and I will not die yet. Thinking of it makes me sick! Well I am sick...but the treatment's making me sick. I wanna fight but at the same time I just want to be normal. And fighting will not make me normal.