stable and permanent-like

stable and permanent-like

Aug 27, '08 4:22 PM for Dominique's friends

It's raining outside. I can hear the fall of water, just as how I want my tears to fall, but they just wouldn't. I can feel the coldness of the air, and hoping it could freeze my heart so it'd stop beating and feeling. The rain brings this unexplainable phenomena of just wanting to think and emote over some frustrations in life. I was never plastic about my frustrations, wants and feelings. I express it. It helps, but it's not enough to make me get over things.

Some of my friends, or most of them, are currently in a stable and permanent-like relationships. I guess I never had a relationship like that; I thought I had but it wasn't permanent-like. My previous lasted for 7 months only. My longest was just a year, but he was cheating on me between those times. My first was 8 months. And my first love was just a month. They say it's not the length of time which matters but on the quality of relationship. I agree on that, no doubt, as tested. but i can't help but wish for someone to just cone and love me unconditionally, wisely, and build a relationship that's stable and permanent-like.
I sometimes wonder, "do i look like a bitch?", "am i intimidating?", "what kind of image do i have for other people?", "AM I WORTHY?".... Because it seems no one wants to have a stable and permanent-like relationship with me...
I still want to love, I want to feel it, I want to be loved. I want to have someone I can share my success with and cry over my down falls. I just want someone true, wise, stable, and permanent-like...

Damn that rain!!